A few weeks ago my teenager Sabu came home and told me that one of her "besties" was moving across the country. I could tell by just looking at her she was very sad and teary eyed and distressed that she would never see her "bestie" again. I was thinking to myself.....what the heck is a bestie? Then I thought.....what can I tell her to make her feel a little better? When it comes to teens you just never know what is going to send them off to their room slamming the door so, I thought very carefully before I spoke.
Lulu: Where is she moving to?
Sabu replies with great distress:UTAH!
Lulu: When is she moving?
Sabu: IN TEN DAYS!!
Lulu: Why is she moving?
Sabu: Her DAD got a JOB OFFER!
Lulu: Are you and her other friends going to throw her a party?
Sabu: Yeah and we are going to have a pool party here at our house. Okay?
Lulu: Oh okay sure just let us know when you want to do it.
Sabu: OK thanks Mom.
Phew made it through that!! So I tried to calm her down by trying to help her communicate what the details were of her "bestie" moving. She slowly calmed down as I reminded her of a few things.
1. That it was a positive thing for her father to get a good job to support the family in this economy where so many people are jobless. (Including me!)
2. Families have to stick together and do what is best for the "whole" family.
3. Her bestie has family already living in Utah so it is good to have the support of other family members when you move somewhere new.
4. Utah has great skiing and you have always wanted to learn to ski so why wouldn't we able to sometime take a plane ride to Utah and go skiing? Besides I lived there for five years and know it like the back of my hand!
5. You can always keep in touch by celly, text, IM, FB and Skype! Or you can go the slow snail route, that is still an option.
So instead of focusing on the negative aspect of her leaving, why not think of positive things that are coming out of it?
Well I couldn't expect to keep her attention for too long! She agreed with me on the points but then said, "Gees why do you ALWAYS have to bring up the positive side of things? Why can't you just let me be sad once in a while!"
Okay then. Cut to a few days later. We are having the Pool (not a party because it is sad that they won't be together for much longer because she has to go to darn Utah!) Get Together for her "bestie". I am of course in attendance because after all I am the life guard and must be present. All are enjoying the swimming, the virgin pina coladas I prepared and the snacks. No one is talking about the move, just enjoying the warmth of the sun and friends.
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Then I decide to get in the pool and float on my Sponge Bob float. Of course I can't just float I have to TALK! I go over to where the girls are all congregated and ask the "moving bestie" where in Utah she was moving to. Sabu flashes a quick cat eye look over to me say, "STOP IT, NO MOVING QUESTIONS! Yikes, I felt all those daggers hit me in the mouth, lol. I didn't let it stop me. I told the young lady that it was a really nice area she was moving to and that there were so many things she would be able to enjoy in her new home. The other girls were not appreciating me at that moment! I continued on to tell her friend that she needed to really think about the positive things associated with the move because there were so many. She kept listening to the list of possibilities I had to offer nodding and smiling throughout.
After my little speech to the "moving bestie" I focused on the ones being left behind. "You all should be happy that she will have things to look forward to, after all she is the one having to start all over and you all will still have each other for support. Besides like I told Sabu, who says we all can't go to Utah and visit and go skiing?" They all smiled and agreed and we continued on with the fun in the sun.
Another week passed and I heard from Sabu that her bestie had moved and could she please use my web cam to keep in touch with her Utah Bestie? "Of course, with supervision", I say and Sabu nods gratefully. I was happy to see her feeling better about her friends move.
I always try to talk to my kids about being more positive but I think it is more effective when they actually see you be more positive. That is why I decided to start writing this blog about a week ago. My kids are now seeing me be more positive, productive and proactive through my blog.
A week ago-I was picking up my teens and one Sabu's friends from school and I overhear them talking and laughing. Sabu's bestie had tripped in PE class while they were all running together. Sabu says to her:
Sabu: "Well the POSITIVE thing from the fall is that no one else saw you!
Bestie:"Well the other POSITIVE thing is that I didn't get hurt.
Sabu: "Another POSITIVE thing is that you fell pretty!"
Bestie: "Well I am POSITIVE that I don't trip as much as you do!
It continued that way back and forth for the rest of the drive home. Oh boy, well at least they are talking about being positive....that is a good start!
Remember the best way to teach your Teens to be more Positive is to Do it Yourself!
Have a Positively Blessed Day! :)
